Rage Quit: The Real Reason, & Why You Should Be Concerned

I’ll be the first to admit that I had a serious temper as child that I carried into early adulthood. Those who grew up with me saw firsthand just how terrible my anger could be, particularly when playing video games. That might sound absurd, but I imagine that there are some reading this who can relate to the throwing of controllers as furious outbursts are roared at an innocent television screen. To the untrained eye, this might appear to be an annoying yet trivial issue (kids, right?!) but I’ve come to believe that it can be an early sign of something deeper: emotional instability.

See, kids are very impressionable. They learn how to respond and react based on the examples around them. Bear in mind that the influence doesn’t always come from a person. Fictional characters in movies, television or even books can also formulate the emotional patterns that we carry into adulthood. Sometimes though, certain negative patterns are formed due to neglect and/or emotional (verbal) abuse. Whether it be from a parent, aunt, uncle or just a family friend, such treatment can be devastating. That, specifically, is something that I suffered from, as did each of my siblings in one form or another, though my emotional problems manifested with anger more than theirs.

Before you get the wrong idea, I’d like to pause for a moment and clarify a few things. Though I was mistreated (who hasn’t been?!), I can look back and know that I was raised in a much more loving environment than many, and for that I’m very grateful. Today, I have a wonderful relationship with both of my parents, and am fortunate as an adult to have them as two of my closest friends. But, in my earliest years I confess that I had some level of fear of my father. Never physically. Let me make that very clear. I just never knew if he would come home in a good mood or a bad one, or if I would get yelled at for something that wasn’t my fault. Perhaps grounded for months, even though I hadn’t done anything wrong (most of the time). I didn’t understand why he sometimes acted the way he did. My not yet fully developed emotions couldn’t grasp that he was taking care of and loving me to the best of his abilities. After all, I now know that my grandfather had treated him WAY worse, and my father had some unresolved issues of his own that bled into his parenting like the seeping of an open wound.

I needed an outlet, and thus my immature anger was fueled into gaming. Any and every little thing that went wrong in that false environment was met with the fiercest of tantrums. This sadly went on into my early years of adulthood, until my wife in her gentle (but stern) wisdom had had enough. She was insightful enough to have seen the root cause, and she urged me to face it head on. After stubbornly refusing for a while, I eventually gave in and confronted my father for how I (and my siblings) been mistreated. That day was the first time I’d witnessed him cry. Tears flowed, apologies were rendered and the healing finally began (for us both!)

As you might have guessed, I’ve been blessed with great people in my life, especially my wife. With their love, support and counsel, I’ve come very close to conquering my temper altogether. But, had someone been more informed when I was younger, perhaps my road to recovery wouldn’t have been so difficult. Perhaps then I might not have hurt so many people (or game controllers) along the way. Maybe my father could have been confronted sooner, and his own healing from past wounds could have started while I was still young. His baggage might not have become my stumbling block, and I could have cultivated emotional stability before I met my wife and brought such darkness into our marriage. It is for those reasons that I’ve lowered my guard and shared something so personal with you. I hope to raise awareness, so that if you see something so seemingly simple as a child or teenager raging against a video game, maybe you’ll recognize the signs of a potentially deeper issue and be better prepared to help, both for the sake of the child and the parent.

Disclaimer: I’m neither a psychologist nor an expert in psychology. The opinions reflected in this article are my own, cultivated from personal experience.

Copyright © 2018 D.M. Kurtz