While that title might seem vague, it actually sums up what I am going to say quite well. I am a father, though there was a time during my daughter’s life where I, quite shamefully, was not her father.
Bear with me. To understand what I mean, we need to dive into exactly what it means to be a “father”, so let’s start with some definition. Webster’s dictionary tells us that a father is no more than “a man in relation to his child or children”, but I believe that that particular meaning is weak and empty and is better suited to describe a parent or a guardian. So, while technically and legally correct, it lacks the essence and depth that, I believe, the title truly holds. To be a father is much more than just having a child. I could hump some chick, knock her up and leave her to take care of the baby, but in no way does that make me the child’s father, even though the dictionary states otherwise. I know, that’s a harsh and disturbing example, but it’s sadly very real, because it happens a lot in today’s culture. (To be clear, that is NOT me, nor has it ever been. Happily married father, here, guys.)
A father is a leader, and to lead is to bear full responsibility for those under you (in this case, your child). With how impressionable kids are, they are going to learn from someone or something, but whether you are that example depends wholly on your willingness to lay down all of your selfishness.
I did that at first with Analeia, my beautiful, wonderful daughter, and I am doing it again now. But there was a time of about six months where I did not, because I let my selfishness get the best of me. She went through a phase of crying with screaming fits whenever I held her, and I took it personally. See, I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that she was innocent. I let my wounded pride rise above my call to be a selfless father, and I stepped down from that role and became the weak, dictionary definition.
Thankfully, the sometimes harsh but necessary words from my wife have forced me to see just what I had been doing. I love my daughter, and I love my wife, and I wouldn’t trade the role of husband or father for anything. I’m certainly not perfect, and neither are you if you’re reading this, but if you have children I would issue this challenge:
Be a father! Not just a parent, not a guardian, but a father. Step up to the plate and be selfless for your kid(s)! Teach them how to be good, honest, compassionate people who will be great for society when they grow up, because they learned from your example. Don’t be a statistic, and don’t make your kid(s) a statistic. You can be better, we have to be better. Punching a clock and paying the bills isn’t nearly enough. To bear the title of father is a huge responsibility, but it’s also a wonderful opportunity. Don’t abuse or waste it.
Copyright © 2018 D.M. Kurtz
D.M. Kurtz 