Mean Girls, a popular “chick-flick” comedy has made the line from the image rather popular. I’m sure we’ve all faced a “pusher” at one time or another, though I highly doubt they were like miss Norberry. (And I don’t mean a “drug-pusher”…
Puns aside, she actually displayed some of the qualities that one might expect from a good leader, even though she didn’t realize it at the time. So that of course begs the question: what are the key differences between a pusher and a leader? Firstly, some definition.
Pusher: “One who through persuasion or often times coercion fueled by guilt pushes an individual to modify behavior or accomplish a set of goals”.
Leader: “One who through careful consideration of all variables often gently but sometimes firmly directs someone toward modifying behavior or accomplishing a set of goals”.
Now, those are my definitions, as cultivated from a mixture of observation and experience. You may elect to either agree or not but, in any case, I am confident that the information within this article will serve as a helpful guide in all encounters with your fellow man, even if you don’t consider yourself to be a leader of any kind.
To lead is to guide someone, instead of bullying them into submission. Too often a person of authority will only challenge the behavior that they see as negative, without ever reinforcing the positive (a “pusher”). This quickly turns any environment utterly hostile, be it work or home. No one wins in such a scenario, as it is a cess pool for cultivating bitter feelings and angry thoughts that lead to a dark place. You see, humans naturally respond to positive reinforcement, positively, while negativity is met with, you guessed it, more negativity… In any case, to always uplift seems impossible. After all, people make mistakes, and no one is on-the-ball 100% of the time. So how do you handle a situation where you need someone to change their behavior, or less severely, their methods for tackling a certain task?
You lead! Leading is all about showing someone the correct path, without coming across as pushy, judgemental, angry, or jaded. It can be difficult to learn and even harder to master, but to face every encounter with this attitude is crucial to creating a positive atmosphere. Let this be part of your daily routine, so that it eventually becomes a habit, a way of life. Always reinforce someone when you see that they are performing with excellence so that when the time comes to admonish, they will not be so quick to become angry or defensive.
You might think that this only applies to someone who is in a management position, but I believe that it is appropriate for all aspects of personal interaction. Occasionally, we might find it necessary to point out a flaw in a friend or a family member, for their own well-being and growth as a person. I can assure you that, should you develop the habit of giving credit where it is due and praise at every opportunity, they will be much more willing to listen when you have something potentially negative to dish out. So whatever the circumstance might be, choose to lead, not to push.
Copyright © 2018 D.M. Kurtz
D.M. Kurtz 