Unmasked

Suffocating, soul-crushing, unbearable weight, total defeat… It goes by many titles, though the most common term is “depression“. Unless you’ve suffered from this debilitating disease, it’s nearly impossible to fathom just how terribly it twists the mind of its host. It’s as if you are locked in a cell that no one else sees, and the effort it takes to keep a cheery smile on your face as you interact with your friends and family (because you don’t want to bring them down with you) is absolutely exhausting. Even the “best” day, and by that I mean the day that required far less interaction than is typical, still leaves you feeling utterly drained by the time you lay your head down on the pillow.

Who can really understand something so terrible? Some call it a hormone imbalance, others are more crass and say that “it’s all in your head, just get over it. CHOOSE to be happy,” and some of certain types of faith might actually tell you that to feel that way is just “wrong”. There’s likely a grain of truth to each of those blanket statements, but none of those opinions serve to help the person who is sinking, because rarely ever is it so simple. Too many factors are often at play, from childhood trauma all the way to the circumstances that you deal with every day in your life. For most, it grew inside you so gradually that you didn’t even realize you were being held in its cold embrace until it was too late.

You see, it’s a conundrum, because on the one hand all you want so desperately is for someone to understand, to care, to throw a lifeline that snatches you out of the prison of your own mind and heart. On the other hand, you don’t wish to burden anyone with your problems, and you likely have at least a small level of fear that, no matter how much someone might care for you, they won’t truly understand and will judge you for feeling that way.

If you’re tearing up even a little as you read this, then I know that you get it. Perhaps you are like me: fighting just to make it to the end of each day, hoping that the sunrise will somehow be different. Trapped in an endless cycle of turmoil both from the cage and from the guilt at feeling the way you do because of all the amazing people in your life. Truth be told, though I truly do believe that God has the power to free anyone from such darkness, it is never so simple, at least for most. The one thing I know for certain is that you aren’t alone, despite how often it feels as if you’re the only person struggling. I haven’t yet conquered it, but I hope that I one day will, and I think that to have hope is the key, both to survival and to success. In spite of my own battle, I want to encourage you the way I so desperately wish to be encouraged. Someone loves you, so stay strong, fight against the darkness every day, and don’t EVER stop, no matter what.

Copyright © 2018 D.M. Kurtz