Wow, what a wild few weeks it has been. If you have been following my blog, I have no doubt that you’ve seen the torrential journey that I have been on these past few years. My eyes well up with tears as I draft this next article, and I pray you take great care to listen and heed what comes next, because, by the grace of God, I have at last found peace, and my trouble heart has been restored!
What the heck are you talking about, you might ask. Your last article was quite clear: God is Dead, metaphorically speaking. You believe that he does not care enough about you to touch your daily life. Has that suddenly changed?
(Read it here: https://dmkurtz117.net/2022/03/17/god-is-dead-a-metaphor/ – Know that this is the OLD me, the person laid to rest. I leave it as a reminder of where I have been, and in the hopes that you will learn and be moved by the path that I have walked.)
YES. Yes it has, and please listen as I share the rest of my journey with you…
On March 23rd of this year, on the eve of my earthly birthday, I was given a new date of birth: being reborn in Christ, having crucified at last the sinful nature that has so long held me captive and enslaved my every thought and action. Oh, the freedom found when I finally collapsed to my knees and wept openly before the God who made me, begging forgiveness for the many atrocities and failings that I called out specifically with a rent and horrified spirit, and allowed the well with living water to fill my life and transform a weary, bitter, cold and dead heart into something warm and alive and full of love and peace and joy!
I see now, through a vision that I believe God granted to me moments ago, so fierce and powerful that I knew I must pen this story for you to read and perhaps be changed yourself by the reading of this message. I saw darkness, swirling, and thin, gnarly fingers reaching through the darkness. There was light on the outside, fighting to get in, and a thundering voice crying out “stop, stop, stop! Just listen… Come home. Come home. Come home… Surrender…” That voice beckoned, did all that it could to break through the dark. It heeded my cries for help, for the pain to lesson, for my cold heart to be revived, and placed in my life people, words, circumstances that were to act as my guide on this road out of the despair that held me so deeply beneath crushing waves of selfishness and sorrow.
I did not listen… I can look back now, and I can listen to this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nr0xgSX0QSY&list=PLO4wK7UVIUNJkYSZ9vGYVdtXuLh7bs2Kg&index=3 – A song that I drafted, for the first time in many years, out of sheer desperation, and I can see and know clearly the battle for my heart and soul, my eternity, being waged all around me as I so passionately sang those lyrics. God was there, but I could not hear him. He was moving, but I could not feel him. He was making a way, but I was not willing to understand.
Now, there is a new song in my heart:
The first song of many to be sung as I surrender to God, every moment of every day!
I want to be more like Jesus, to be fully surrendered, always and at all times. I have tasted the goodness of the Lord, and I have seen his faithfulness, for even when I betrayed the ones closest to me in such deep and horrendous ways, God reached out even harder, pushed even further. He brought to my heart such a brokenness that I could no longer stand before a holy and might God, defiantly stretching out my hand against him all while begging for his aid. He showed me the errors of my ways, destroyed the walls that satan has so carefully seen built up, thick and mighty, over the course of my life, and he freed me! Oh, how he has set me free!
How I desire for everyone, EVERYONE that walks this earth to know the freedom, the love that I have found. The sheer GOODNESS of our God and king, our creator, the one who only wishes to restore us to a right relationship with him, because then, and only then, can we truly be free. Only by walking with him can we be good, can we help those around us, can we be selfless and loving. Anything else, all human love, emotion, “selflessness” pales in comparison to the genuine and passionate love that can be shown when God is at the center of our hearts and lives.
This blog will be very different going forward. To all who have prayed for me, been there for me, supported me… Thank you. I know that I have a long journey still to restoring that trust of many of you, but that is something I look forward to proving, day by day, moment by moment. By the goodness and mercy of the God we serve, the prayers were by no means in vain. For the first time… I am FREE. May you, dear reader, by that same goodness and grace and love, find the same freedom. AMEN.
Copyright © 2022 D.M. Kurtz
D.M. Kurtz 
Beautifully written and the song is beautiful. There is always room at the cross with a God who is so amazingly gracious to us. You are not the only sinner at this cross. We join you there, and we stand amazed at His goodness, especially when compared to our own sinfulness. I’m rejoicing with you today and sending my love. Your story could not have a better ending.
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